PlanetCatfish.com

Finally! Spam has made me laugh:

The first man married a woman from Houston, Texas . He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.


The second man married a woman from South Carolina. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.


The third man married a girl from CANADA . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he did not see anything, the second day he did not see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.

(no offense meant to US ladies, I'm sure it would be the same if there was no death penalty in place )

Three buddies are out collecting.

The first says, "Man, I had to agree to paint the kitchen to get out this weekend."

The second says, "Ha! I had to agree to buy a new living room set."

The third says nothing. After a couple of minutes his friends ask him what he was forced to do to get out collecting for the weekend.

He replies, "I set my alarm for four am. As soon as it went off I shook my wife awake and said, "Should we make love now or should I go collecting with the guys?" She replied, "Wear sunblock."

-Shane

My daughter loves sushi and wanted me to try the octopus, but I couldn't get it to let go of the plate.

to all three!!!

Timberwolf wrote:My daughter loves sushi and wanted me to try the octopus, but I couldn't get it to let go of the plate.

in korea we ate fresh octapus which was just freshly cut raw and the tentacles where still moving!!
it tasted good but the suction cups got stuck to my tongue

and there is a fish joke in my signature

1) What do you get if you cross a salmon, a bird’s leg and a hand?…Birdsthigh fish fingers

2) Two parrots sitting on a perch…the first one says to the other “can you smell fish?”

3) What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can’t refuse?…The Codfather

4) How do young fish get to school?…By octobus

L number Banana wrote:Frankly Scallop, I don't give a clam.

LOL


Sandee | http://sandeeland.com/fishcam
Sent from my iPhone!

Okay, this isn't a "fish joke" per se, but it is mildly humorous, at least to my kids and me: Did you ever notice this? If you feed your bristlenoses a diet of wood and fresh sweet potato, you get the candy sprinkles used on Halloween donuts?
... Just a thought.
http://s3.amazonaws.com/foodspotting-ec ... mb_600.jpg

Ok guys this is sardine to get ridiculous, your basically floundering for responses. I think the jokes were best up until the minnow of this thread


When it comes to puns Ill kick you all in the bass

Thanks for the koi remarks, but I think you're talking carp.

Jools
PS Cyprinid only punnery.

My uncle is allergic to fish, so he has sausages in his aquarium.

Did you know that Panaque and Panaqolus make furniture? Of course, think of all the wood stools they produce!

Good one, made me giggle

Husband: My BN plecos spawned. I need another tank for the fry.

Wife: Mwahahahahahahahahaha ha ha ha. That's funny, do you have another one?

Ivan

What is ur secret to ur perfect english?
My appistogramma gives me grammar lessons!!!

From "Texas Jokes" on Facebook:

Little known fact. The origin of fin rot is helsinki........

What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

TuNa

Ba-dump-bump-tish! (drum rim-shot sound effect)

A lot of trees have anxiety problems.. The ones in the amazon are prone to Panaque attacks ;)

Lol that's a good one.

My fish are named Major, Minor, Dorian, Lydian, and Diminished. The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales.

I am sure this one will draw some flac. Just remember, it is just a fish joke.

What is the definition of a show guppy?
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It's one which you show to the oscar before feeding it to him.

I like wrong jokes.

Still, I happen to be going to a meeting of Poecilia today, the Dutch Lifebearers Association. I wonder whether to tell this joke or not

My club had a lady who spoke on fancy guppies last year. I told her the joke, but I prefaced it by saying I personally had no issues with guppies or with people who keep them and that it was just meant to be funny.
She loved it and said she was going to tell it at the upcoming meeting of her guppy association.

My livebearer of choice were the Montezumae. I kept three different strains over the years before they petered out. They are notorious fry eaters and they will actually stop spawning for months at a time. Plus, when the males get big, they also get too slow to catch the ladies.

Here we fully agree. I had X montezumae combined with a cichlid, - now - Nosferatu pame, which had fry, and I intended to raise some. So I took a net and pulled it through the cloud of fry. But much to my surprize, I did not catch any cichlid, only Xipho´s. I did not even know they had fry, so I was quite happy with them.

But catching the little cichlids, less than a cm each, the joke was definitely on me

Once you read it, mind blown...

It took me a while to get it!
... and is that a Code Lyoko symbol?

I got one and possibly you all know it.

Why did the fisherman crossed the road?...
...

Well just for the Halibut.

Kilo_SSK wrote: ↑30 Mar 2020, 17:31... and is that a Code Lyoko symbol?

... um... well... errr... maybe.

Yes - It was my boy's favorite cartoon growing up. He and I would watch it in French and try to translate. We memorized the theme song. It was a shame that the live action version didn't live up to the cartoon. It's been my avatar on YouTube for years. One day, the Code Lyoko copyright people will come after me and I'll need to change it. That'll be a sad day.

See the explanation here (https://www.planetcatfish.com/forum/vie ... 85#p287585):

bekateen wrote: ↑27 Jun 2015, 13:56 Bekateen is a contraction of one of my children's nicknames and the book, The Velveteen Rabbit, which was the first book our kids ever had... Needless to say, we read that book a lot.

And my avatar is the symbol of X.A.N.A., a malevolent artificial intelligence which exists in a virtual world and is intent on destroying the real world, from the French cartoon, Code Lyoko. This cartoon was another favorite of my kids. X.A.N.A. does not describe me (I'm neither malevolent nor intelligent), but we do float around here in this virtual world of cyberspace, so that applies to me. And since this is an international forum, I thought a French symbol would be apropos.

Cheers, Eric

EDIT: As of 06 March 2024, the X.A.N.A. avatar symbol is put to rest and is now replaced with my own avatar: